I want to adorn her with flowers
And rub her hair with fine oils
So everyone sees what I see
but
I want to keep her to myself
My best friend. She's amazing. We cook together and drink tea and wine. I'm so excited. I haven't had a good female friend since high school, so it's been about 5 or 6 years. I'm making her a scarf, and I've been working so hard on it:
The picture doesn't do it justice, but the colors are a bright marigold and deep teal. I'm crocheting petals currently and the centers of the flowers are different buttons.
Any way, she lives right next door to me, so it's nice because we get to go next door when we want to and if we want to be alone, we just walk back over to our respective apartments. I knock on her door to borrow a broom, a potato peeler, honey, and she comes over to invite me places. The great thing is, I have no judgements about her. Or maybe that's a bad thing. I think this is what I do in most of my dating relationships. I just see all good or all bad. I'm not so good at seeing the gray because I get so caught up in the newness and excitement.
But I will probably be moving in June or July if I play my cards right.
And what about my best friend!?!?! It's taken me so long to find her, and I'll have to leave her behind too, but I don't want any regrets in life. The way I see it is that regrets make you old. The older you are, the more regrets you have, and the way to keep yourself young is to do all the things you want to do and not regret. But it's hard to not regret things when you stay in a little box your whole life. Here's a common list I've heard from various people:
I should have slept with more women before I got married
I should have tried to be an actor instead of taking this office job
I should have backpacked around the country before I settled down and bought a house
I used to be so pretty before I had kids
To me this says "Responsibility makes you unhappy." Then why do it? Why do people get married, or have kids, or get jobs they hate, or buy houses? It could be that in some way, these things make you happy, though I wouldn't know. What it seems like to me is that people are told they want these things. By a number of different sources.
My body has been telling me for the last year that I want a baby. A BABY!!! I don't want a baby! My life would be over! I'm sure there are things that I could enjoy about a baby, but I sure as hell don't want one. Still...whenever I walk by a maternity shop my body yearns to be filled with one. To cradle one in my womb. NEVER!!!! I don't think I will EVER have a baby, because I'd be such a good mother to one. I would stop smoking and drinking and I'd lay my life down for it. It's already bad enough when I get around OTHER people's kids.
I guess I'll just stay detached from these things, though. I'm not sure if this is that "new" way of thinking you hear old people complain about in our youth. This won't really have a conclusion. To be continued, I guess.
