These Days

I think it's sad the amount of disregard people have for their fellow man. My theories about this are that all of our technology is allowing us to accomplish things independently, making it to where, since we don't rely on people as heavily, we don't have as much a need to take their feelings or their person into consideration. Now, I guess I haven't lived 200 years, so this could be inaccurate, but as far as I can see, this makes a lot of sense.

Another reason is that we don't have to account for the things we say or do online, so people don't care about people in that respect either. I myself have fallen into being more forward online, or not responding to emails. Maybe people don't really care since an email is so easy to send. Maybe not only the receiver doesn't care, but neither does the sender.

I've always thought that the way people shut themselves into their houses, cut off from their neighbors, was a clear sign that our society was going to hell. Since people used to live in their parents house until they moved in with their spouse and created a new family, I can't imagine they had very much "alone" time. Maybe when doing their chores. So why then is it that we need so much of it now? I guess maybe people in the past needed it to think, but I feel like, more and more, people are using it to recharge themselves so they can go back out and brave the world with their polished masks on.

Another thing that's been getting to me is that people are so depressed nowadays. I mean, they have hardly any suicide rates in tribal settings because I their main existence is survival. I think THAT'S the meaning of life right there. In most larger dominant countries, though, we're just focused on our comfort of living, so now we walk around finding problems because we're all so bored.

And people feel like there's something wrong with them because we all perpetuate this standard. Everyone's supposed to be happy and content and if you're not, you need medicine. But hardly anyone is, it seems. At least most people MY age. Or at least most people my age who are my friends. So they keep it to themselves. And this just exacerbates the problem because then, on top of feeling depressed or anxious, you feel like you're the only one. Like something is WRONG, and so you go to the doctor.

I saw a lot of this among older people too, but they seem better at swallowing it. I saw it when I was a bond trader. A bunch of people who hate their lives and buy expensive italian leather shoes, and BMWs, and big houses. They give their trophy wives allowances to keep looking like a trophy. And they think, "I have the equation right....why doesn't it equal up?" Society told them that chasing the carrot equals happiness, but that's not what it really yields and they find out too late into their mortgages to do anything about it.

A lot of things along these lines have been depressing me lately, but I've been trying to think of the good in it. All of these social networking sites are trying to act as a barrier breakdown. I've been able to keep in touch with a lot more of my friends that way, and it's so easy to contact them. I try to imagine it sort of being a newage version of walking to someone's hut in your village. I thought the other day that a lot of mammals build houses, but only humans build doors. But that's more negativity creeping in.

On a ridiculous note, the next age is the age of aquarius, which is supposed to bring enlightenment, so hopefully all the bullshit that's been happening in our government will be lessened. Or maybe we can follow in Egypt's shoes......

No Motivation

I have had a serious lack of motivation lately. I just question everything I do and it all feels pointless. I'm sure this sounds like some stupid kid talking, and maybe it is. It's so difficult for me to just sit down and concentrate. I feel like I'm more fit for an artistic avenue than anything else, but how can I even go THAT far if I don't sit down and get to stuff? I am so sick of school, but I feel like in a few months, I'll be really wanting to go back. I just have to keep that in mind. I feel like there's so much I have to do before the end of this semester, I told Jasmine that if she heard a gunshot in the middle of the night, it's because my brains are on the wall.

I might think I'm pretty smart, but I have an exponential amount of respect for people who can go to school and stick with it. My friend, Josh, is about to graduate with a bachelors in Math and another in Programming. That's just incredible to me. I'm not sure why I can't study or take any of this stuff too seriously. At the same time, my GPA isn't too bad, but I feel a lot of times like creative classes are all-to-easy to pass when I read some fellow students writing. Not to say that mine's great, but I'm not trying to get my masters or anything.

All this feels like me trying to justify to myself why I should quit school again. The thing is, I really do felt like I learned a lot this semester, but I wonder if the knowledge was worth 4K. Maybe one could argue that knowledge is priceless. I definitely wouldn't want to give it back. I keep feeling like I'm either too immature still for college, or if I just wasn't cut out for it. It's so stressful. I think if I took it less seriously, I wouldn't be so badly off. I just feel like if I get an "F" in any class, despite my lack of desire to finish a degree, it would just prove that I'm not good enough for college instead of the other way around.

Blah.